I head for the nearest dungeon to explore. There are no 3D graphics in this game unfortunately, but the 2D graphics work fine anyway.

They may not have the 3D graphics but the dungeons work in a similar manner. There are occasional doors and when you go through these you get a predesigned room with monsters, hidden switches, treasure and the like. An early room has what looks like a guinea pig monster and nothing else, but a bit of search reveals a hidden door with a switch. This opens up a room to grab a very useful magic axe. It also summons a load of demons who kill me before I can get out again.

I wake up back in LB’s castle. This time I ask him about the orb of cheating, which I’ll confess that I use liberally for the rest of the game. Some of these quests would have taken forever without it. The orb will take me to literally any location in the game.

I go back and finish off the dungeon then head for Jhelom.  They all want to be drummers here including Geoffrey who sends me on an errand to buy him some drumsticks in Yew.

I also meet a character from a game called Rogue (I think) which I’ll confess means nothing to me. They send me on a quest in Destard to infiltrate the lair of Professor Atombender and get his secret code from the 5 computers.

Before I try that I go to Minoc. I’ve got enough money from the dungeons to buy the runes and the sigil.

Then it’s straight to the shrine to get my first letter.

There is already a letter in place here so it looks like Spirituality is done for me. I think I can guess what the word will be but I may as well do this properly.

Srin Val is hanging around in his usual spot and is doing a bit of landscaping. He finds the environment a bit wetter than he would like and wants me to help him out by putting a load of sand into the lake here.

To do this I have to board a wheelbarrow to let me carry the very heavy load then walk up to the lake.

I dump in the sand, making the map a bit more Ultima 5 like in the process and in return I get the Pentagram of Heavy Metal which will be the sigil Dupre was talking about earlier.

I still need the mantra so I head back for this and then visit a couple more shrines.

Yew is next. Drugs and sex have combined to make Yew the town of virility. Jaana is as affected as anyone and invites me into her bed chamber to use a powerful clit sucker.

While here I get the next sigil.

But Katrina pops up again to spoil my fun.

I stop by the courthouse next. I have to help decide whether Michael Knight (from Knight Rider) or Magnum PI is the most virile by talking to them and then telling the judge my decision.

I think I can pick whichever I want here and this gets me the mantra.

Finally I get the drumsticks made for Geoffrey who gives me the sigil in return.

I head for Destard now and soon find the lair of Atombender. There are some tough robots in here but I’ve netted enough goodies from my earlier exploring to be ok getting through here. Interrogating each computer gets me one number of the five number code.

I head back with this code and I’m ready to do another shrine.

Magincia now, and Mariah is running a pizza house here. The principle of drugs means that this place is now the city of intoxication and all the students here spend all their time drunk. Mariah gives me a pizza so I can talk my way into the dorms and grab the sigil.

I get the mantra from a depressed wizard hanging around outside. I think he is from an SSI game but it’s not one I played.

The pizza ruse works and I get the keg of intoxication and head off to another shrine.

I carry on exploring dungeons. Some of the rooms have some interesting designs like this Pac-Man room, although Ultima Underworld did it first.

I also reach level 10 which is the maximum in this game. This knocks my hp and mp up to 200.

Hythloth has a space invaders room to keep the Atari references coming.

And also a suspicious looking spot which I’m sure I’ll need to use later.

I’ve still not visited Skara Brae which is now the city of partying. Shamino is particularly affected. I do learn that his toga is the sigil of partying but he won’t give it to me.

One of his buddies gives up the mantra easily enough although I’ll never need it.

Another gives me the key to getting the toga.

I just have to say beer to Shamino a few times…

.. and the result is something I never wanted to see. I do grab his toga though.

While I’m around I rent a room and meet the ghost who turns out to be another Pac-Man. He gives me a load more shotgun shells which I ran out of ages back.

I’ve now got all the sigils so I visit Hawkwind and he creates the Guardian to look after them .  Now I have to consult the codex which means raising it from the abyss.

Julia says she can help me but I have to get her a Mystic staff which will mean a trip back to Cove.

I finish off the last couple of shrines first as I know I need the word….

The ankh now lets me in and I get a full set of Mystic gear + more cash.

After a bit of innuendo Julia hands me a fishing rod.

I head for the abyss and raise the Codex straight up.

It tells me exactly what I need to do to get rid of the three villains.

I head back to Hawkwind once again, and he gives me the talismans I’ll need to enter two of the keeps.

Mondain’s castle is fairly easy to get around. I have to fight off a few guards but I soon scarper with his bong.

I throw this into the sewer and corrupt the Shadowlords in the process.

Minax’s castle is very familiar. To be fair the CGA graphics in U2 were actually in decent colours if you had a Tandy 1000 that could do composite colours but this is how most of us remember it.

I’m here to steal Minax’s makeup and hence her youth. Her beautician sends me off on a quest to Planet X first. He wants me to annul her marriage so he can run off with her himself.

Planet X looks much the same as ever when I get there and I’m still in CGA.

I run into a familiar face outside the town.

After flying millions of miles to get here Father Antos is about as chatty as ever.

There is a bit of unneccessary fun to explain the lack of space exploration in future Ultima’s on the way back home.

Then I finish off my quest by handing over the wedding ring….

…and using the makeup on myself.

Hawkind now gives me the final talisman so I just have to see to Exodus.

His castle is seriously dangerous and I die a few times before I make it to the end. I haven’t got the cards yet though and there is no clue as to where to get them.

It turns out the mayor in Paws has them but I have to carry out a few tasks first.

First off I need to seal all the dungeons,

Secondly I need to get some maps from Bucaneers Den and deliver them to Magincia.

And finally I need to petition LB to change all the signs to runic.

I head for LB first and he signs straight away.

I then glue up all the dungeons one by one. The orb comes in very handy for this.

Finally, I get the maps from Bucaneers Den…

… and drop them off in Magincia.

The mayor hands over the four sound cards which would be enough to ruin any amp. I head back to Exodus’s castle, look at his amp and the end cutscene starts.

That was my longest post in a while although I’ve let the screenshots do most of the work for me. Once I got started on this game I was hooked and had to play it to the end. I honestly had more fun playing this than Bioshock 2. If that doesn’t make me a retro gamer I’m not sure what does but it’s made me want to dig out some of the old Ultima games and play them again. The humour and design of U4P2 were just superb and a lot of time and effort must have gone into it. This is the nearest you’ll get to playing another classic Ultima with a load of laughs thrown in along the way.